Happiness and Life's Meaning: Have you thought about it?

So what is happiness anyway?  And if we find it will we be content or will we quest for more happiness?  The answer is that most of us in the United States have a drive to reach another state of happiness after we reach the very happiness we thought we once defined.  Yet, the defines of happiness continue to morph and shift as we reach different life cycles. Furthermore, for most of us in the U.S. a drive to have more is a part of the happiness equation.  The Difference Between Happiness and Meaning in Life is worth exploring if ready to engage in you inner psyche.  So, the question is not what is happiness but what is your happiness and how does it fit into your community and your life.

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What's Your Sign? No, Really, It Might Be Important!

So to make things light and mildly fun.  I ran across this association between kissing and one's zodiac sign in the article Your Star Sign's Kissing Style.  All I can say is my eyebrow raised as I could not help but laugh at myself?  For fun, remember your sensual engagements and ask; what type of kisser am I?
After you identify your flow or non-verbal oral affection you might benefit in understanding the science of it all.  Yes, there is a science of kissing.  So the question might be what's in a smooch? Is kissing Science?


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Blood Red or Pink? Happy Valentine's Day!

Dark and bloody.  That is not the general theme of today's Valentine’s Day.  With parents rushing to get the perfect red and pink clothing and gift baskets, candy, and cards Valentine’s Day represents love.  But this was not always the case. NPR’s piece The Dark Origins of Valentine’s Day gives good insight into the feast of Lupercalia. The brutality savagery of whipped women,  ritualistically lined up for the men to hit them all with the myth that this would make them fertile.  

So what caused this brutal festival to shift into the cherub whimsical lovey dovey holiday of roses and a box of chocolate?  Perhaps The Dark Origins of Valentine’s Day and How it Becomes the Celebration of Love We Know Today sheds light into the transition as literature most significant poetry began to change the narrative of brutality with passion to ultimately bliss.  

So for those of you out there in love, in long term relationships, or searching for love Valentine’s can be an opportunity to reflect on relationships and your expectations on relationships.  For those in non romantic relationships but have loving feeling for your friends,children, relatives Valentine’s Day is a powerful tool to stop and say “I love you!” I provide couples counseling as well as individual therapy for people that want to explore ways to strengthen and enhance relationships. Wouldn't it be nice if Valentine's Day was weekly?

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Love, Divorce and Respect; and, the January curse, or myth?

The holiday season has long past and January is over. We are well into 2019 and Valentine’s Day is upon us.  Love romance and hearts. Yet love is just not all about the hormonal tragedies of Romeo and Juliet and Sleeplessness in Seattle. Often what was once so bliss with watching the sunrise during soulmated passionate talks can end in arbitration or the courts - divorce. For the past several years I believed that January was the biggest divorce month.  It makes sense if you think about it.  If nothing else one could believe that a New Years’ resolution could be the severing of an energy drainer or a return to a Selfed uncoupled relationship.

Despite many thinking that January was the main month for divorce the University of Washington is now saying that

Happy New Year

History?  A moment in time?  A year forgotten or remembered?

I just came across this article about planning for 2019.  Or should we say planning for 2025 not 2019.  Maybe this is something many of us should follow.  Maybe this should be introduced in therapy?  Or just your everyday life?!





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Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah Stories and Radio Tales

As Christmas  and Hanukkah are here storytelling should be incorporated into the joy of the holiday season.  From holiday traditions to gift giving the stories are a wonderful opportunity to bring in the holiday cheer.  I loved this NPR Christmas stories.  

Or what about Radio stories for season past.  And definitely the impacting Hanukkah light stores - the artform of listening is a powerful and artful communication.

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Christmas and your Self Care and Mental health

The holidays are here!  For some of us they are joyful.  For others perhaps complicated and they return us to difficult and painful memories.  Regardless of past feelings stress is all around the holidays.  With this in mind Coping at Christmas - 5 Top Tips to Look After your Mental Health is a starting point to control your next few days.  If you do have stressors create a list of 5 categories that you can manage and control.  One key issue that often surfaces in therapy sessions is family.  If you have issues with stress or communication with family set limits.  If conflict is a predictable...

Merry Stressmas and Stress to the World!

Getting Through the Holidays Yet Again.  Will This Year Be a Piece of Cake; or Fruitcake?

I was asked in a store yesterday if I was “ready for the holidays?” With candor I said “no, ugh, not even close.”  The woman at the register seemed so happy as she replied “Neither am I.” She was relieved in a misery-loves-company-type-fashion.  My being ill prepared seemed comforting. You could see the stress on her face.

In my December 12, 2018 blog concerning holiday stress it is no secret that the holidays can cause stress for many people. Reviewing the 2015 Healthline survey that measured holiday stress shows that overall the majority of respondents were stressed. Gen Xers reported feeling stressed (65 percent) with Baby Boomers (62 percent) and Millennials (61 percent). So, stress affects all of us this time of year.

So, is managing the holidays with a happy outcome possible? I think this article from last year is still worth reviewing about managing holidays and creating memories during the holiday season.  Although there are specific items in the article that ...

Let's Light Up the Holidays

Christmas is a time of illumination. The holiday season is rich in diverse belief systems.  Thus the celebration of Christmas is for everyone should we choose to embrace it.  In fact, the holiday is so widespread many global metropolitan cities present stunning light extravaganzas.  Although many of us do not directly celebrate the Christmas holiday many of us in the United States recognize its meaning and tradition mainly from our youth.  If you know Faith you know she believes the symbols of Christmas give hope, meaning and whimsy to children.

Santa Clause, reindeer, the North Pole, decorated presents, cakes and cookies, Frosty the Snowman.  But perhaps the one thing that competes with Santa Clause is the Christmas tree.  Whether the shimmer of the artificial or the chrisp intrusion of the pine's smell we all accept that trees are the transition from make believe to the wonderland and lights of the holidays.

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Managing Social Anxiety? Or Is Staying Home your solution.

According the article 13 Useful, Expert-Backed Tips for Dealing with Social Anxiety 15 million people are affected by the disorder.  As revealed in the article the Social Anxiety Association reports “the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people” is also the third largest mental health care problem in the world today.  With such anxiety in our culture should there be more discussion social anxiety? And should there be more thoughts about managing it?

The value of this article is that it gives clear manageable tools for working with social stressors that can be applied universally for any individual with social unease.  Such examples include Bill Koch, clinical therapist, who advocated for immediately seeking out ...

Romance & Commitment Challenges for Millennials

During the Baby Boomers and Generation X years the dating world was different. Some might say that the ideals and traditions of past generations makes dating today more complex. Simply put; dating and relationship roles were easier because they were clear. Roles were more defined.

Now with student loans, personal finance woes, and political disagreements with family and friends it is no wonder that people are anxious or depressed. It seems our societal and daily challenges are now the normal way of life. It is no wonder millennials could be set for romantic, social and career failure because of being overwhelmed.

As a society we are not addressing these issues that affect millennials as our times have indeed changed.

As our social ideals are changing how does one support independence in forming relationships while understanding the past and allowing the future to occur. Remember, just fifty years ago it was considered scandal in most American to have an affair, or sex, without being legally married. Many of these past scandals forced high profiled celebrities and socialites out of the country ultimately becoming topic for the U.S Supreme court. The times have changed. It was not that long ago that Kim Kardashian was involved with a sex tape that literally exploded her image and celebrity status to who she is today. Her mother Kris Jenner openly talked about her own affair as well as her daughter's experience. This discussion of intimate exposure and sexual experiences in the past was scandal perhaps. But for many in this country it was morally corrupt. Times have changed as these are topics of discussion not topics of "sin."

So how do we adjust for social change with the millennials as they sext and show body parts in a it's-no-big-deal-fashion. Maybe it isn’t or maybe it is a big deal. Regardless of your thoughts, shouldn't it be a discussion of inclusion with millennials? There is no easy answer to listening and good communication but we can hope that the millennials have good role models. You cannot give opinions or offer advice if you are not reflecting positives in your own relationships and social engagement. In the end, we should have faith that this smart vivacious generation can figure out their lives, as the generations did before them.

I can help...

I am a therapist that works with millennials.

The main course of my sessions is the avoidance of preaching; the avoidance of unwanted mentoring; and the avoidance of assumptions that I know what their lives are like. Unless lives are in danger or there are mandated reporting issues.

I don't interfere.

I collaborate with their goals and lives. As cliche' as it may seem, listening is a commodity that is valued. The generations before millennials are often assuming about the youth in their community. Boomers and X'ers only assume their mid-life crisis is of merit and often disregard a millennials life crisis. Older generations often lack empathy or knowledge of legitimate financial, emotional, and social stressors the youth face. 

Please contact me at your earliest convenience for a confidential appointment and let your growth begin today.

Renaldo Strayhorn, Ph.D.
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Lic. # 45042

Servicing the Greater Los Angeles area.

renaldo@renaldostrayhorn.com

(818) 753-6606

Is your Relationship or Marriage Suffering because of Your Job?

"I bust my butt, and it is insane and I come home to trust issues and a hard time!"

This article 11 of the Worst Jobs for a Relationship got my attention. What if your profession is one of these discussed jobs? Is the article implying that you are doomed for relationships pertaining to these jobs? Would not it be advantageous to couple with someone in the same career that you are in (if in these jobs) so that you understand one another?  What if ...

Is There a Difference in Counseling, Therapy and Analysis?

Therapy is for “The Crazies.” Or for “The Weak;” or, Those Guys that “Have Problems.” --   Or is It?

Let’s assume this is true.  Is therapy really only for for the severely mentally ill, or socially vulnerable?  If we choose this belief to be true, we create an absolute and minimize the possibilities for the use of psychoanalysis for positive useful power.  Furthermore, we underscore its intent to strengthen the individual to a higher level of self awareness and social awakening that could lead the Self and culture to the greater realms of mankind. Could therapy (or analysis) be the lottery ticket; the gateway; the answer to a better happier richer life? Could it really be that simple? Yes. Yet, simple answers are often not what we wish to hear and sometimes hard to do.

The Awkward of Sexual Health and the Moments of Discomfort, or Comfort - Part 3

Sexually Awkward Norms and Shattered Myths - Continued.

Awkward = good sex = good health = good life.  Keep the "ouch" and the "uh, oh no, sorry" in the fluidity of normal.

In the initial discussion of August 10, 2018’s The Awkward of Sexual Health we explored the thoughts of sex and awkward moments being complicated. What most of us already know is that in some way sex, despite any negatives, is beneficial for our well being.  Good fun sex is not meant solely as a procreational discussion, but it is sometimes lacking in the general population’s intrigue when it relates to the positive health benefits of the individual. In fact, if one was focused on the history of sex we might learn that many religious and spiritual leaders have evolved in recognizing that sex between consenting adults could lead to a further strengthening union and bond that is added to the specific functionality of procreation (or propagation).

With this theme of fun sex and it’s linkage to improved health how do we demystify the previous discussions of glorified sex and unrealistic pressures of perfection mentioned in cinema and the media?  The Answer? ...

Generational Wounds and Systemic Damage within the Family

Each Family Member Has Their Own Vignette. What Do They Do When Each Narrative is True?

As a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, I am supposed to have the skills to work with individuals, families and couples.  That is a given, we get it. What is often misunderstood, and not fully recognized, is how one’s family plays an integral part in how we relate to the world, co-workers, business partners, romantic partners, marriages, children, friends and every social relationship in the lives we live.

Maria Hinojosa’s Latino USA reporting and conversations with the Quevedos family gives insight into past emotional wounds and how sensitive life experiences often shape our present and future engagement with other people.  Damage imposed upon us in our youth often reveal ...

Sociopaths are Among Us - We Might Be Dating 'em; or, married to 'em!

In the March 31, 2017 blog Sociopaths are Among Us it was stated that sociopaths have always been a fixture in our culture.  Additionally, it was presented that this population has a place and often a needed for our societal functioning. What should be discussed more is the person who finds themselves in union with the sociopath.  Whether romantically or coupled. Before we touch on this topic of marital relationships, or unions, with sociopaths, it might serve us to revisit NPR’s Inside the Mind of a Sociopath from several years ago.

When discussing societal functioning romance and marriage is not intended to be included as a positive.  The relationship with the sociopath as stated in the previous blog is dauntingly toxic to the spirit and overall emotional health of an individual.  Thus, if one is unaware that they have some relational union or is symbolically ...

The Awkward of Sexual Health and the Moments of Discomfort, or Comfort - Part 2

Sexually Awkward Normals and Shattered Myths - continued.

Last week presented the thoughts of sex being complicated.  The Awkward of Sexual Health and the Moments of Discomfort, or Comfort was the discussion.  What most of us already know is that ...

The City of Angels or the City of Sins

Can Managing Los Angeles or Struggling in Los Angeles Affect Your Mental Health?

Los Angeles can be seductive. And the seductress can be a beauty or a curse.  I once was asked where I lived. At the time I was vacationing in Mexico City and the response to my answer of “Los Angeles” was a whimsically cautious response. This response came from a naively appearing person of knowledge as a simple “Ahhhh, the city of sinners.” I was dumbfounded as he smiled with innocence and juxtaposed the undercurrent of personified angels who had demonic traits. Or is that demons who had angelic traits. Los Angeles indeed can be a trap. Hollywood, beautiful tanned bodies, ethnic mosaics of extraordinary beauty, Greek sculptured bodies, perfect hair, eclectic styles, alternative visuals, ink-art-tattoos of the provocative.  Seduction. Wealth. So much wealth that Los Angeles County as of 2017 reported 58 Billionaires.  With so much indulgence how could anyone be depressed or unhappy?  Moreover, how could anyone not succeed in the mecca of opportunities?  This might be answered by ...

The Awkward of Sexual Health and the Moments of Discomfort, or Comfort.

Sexually Awkward Normals and Shattered Myths.

Sexuality is complicated.  One could justify using only these three words as the entire blog. However, I haven’t gotten to that point of simplicity. Thus, too much talk and emphasis on sex. Yet not enough talk and not enough emphasis on sex. What we know based on available studies is that sex is linked to improved health. Moreover, sex can be a prescription for a longer life.  But what we need ...

The 'Tour of Grief' - Is an Ocra Mother any different than any other Mother?

Managing the Death of Your Child and How Do We Do this? There is No Correct Answer.

I came across this story of an Ocra carrying her dead calf, grieving, yet longing for the life, or rebirth, of her newborn. The story in some ways might grab the human cord of emotions.  It is a dissonant feel because although it is not a human engagement the Ocra experience represents a quest for the understanding of a mother’s most anguished plight.  I worked with pregnant teens and adolescent mothers for several years when I first became a therapist in Los Angeles. This was by far the most connected I have felt to the maternal process of life and the meaning of motherhood.

Hence, I often feel I have an appreciation for what young mothers encounter during adversities. Despite this self-proclaimed insight, I know so very little. Soon after feeling this story of an Ocra mother I read a human narrative in What It’s Like Being A Mother Of 2 When Only 1 Of My Children Is Alive. I think we often avoid embracing the loss and the lives lived of the dead.  This further had me reflect on my collegiate years as a gymnast when my coach’s wife disclosed ...