The Awkward of Sexual Health and the Moments of Discomfort, or Comfort - Part 3

Sexually Awkward Norms and Shattered Myths - Continued.

Awkward = good sex = good health = good life.  Keep the "ouch" and the "uh, oh no, sorry" in the fluidity of normal.

In the initial discussion of August 10, 2018’s The Awkward of Sexual Health we explored the thoughts of sex and awkward moments being complicated. What most of us already know is that in some way sex, despite any negatives, is beneficial for our well being.  Good fun sex is not meant solely as a procreational discussion, but it is sometimes lacking in the general population’s intrigue when it relates to the positive health benefits of the individual. In fact, if one was focused on the history of sex we might learn that many religious and spiritual leaders have evolved in recognizing that sex between consenting adults could lead to a further strengthening union and bond that is added to the specific functionality of procreation (or propagation).

With this theme of fun sex and it’s linkage to improved health how do we demystify the previous discussions of glorified sex and unrealistic pressures of perfection mentioned in cinema and the media?  The Answer? ...
Normalizing, and shattering unrealistic cinematic expectations of perfect pristine or over the top sexual utopia. Continuing the ideas of awkward acts of sexual engagement adds to the conversation which allows for a better outlook of sexual expectations.

As stated in August 18, 2018 Sexually Awkward Norms and Shattered Myths, some of sex therapist Dr. Kristie Overstreet’s emphasizing “... .Don’t get mad or react to your partner in a negative way.  Accidents happen, so let it go, laugh it off…” is the direction of healthy expectations within sexual intimacy. Moveover, and previously emphasized, the often overly Eurocentric images don’t allow for the clunked tooth “ouch,” or the elbow to breast “oh I’m so sorry” experiences. These are what I might term the golden nuggets and real moments of intimacy.  Again: Previously stated, “The physical gymnastic wrestling matches are often experiences not revealed in the big presentation of Hollywood. However, we all have had them in our real life. So embrace it and learn to love imperfections perfection.”

So concluding from previous discussions of the ever so awkward Call Me by His Name, or equating falling asleep with she’s not finding me sexy, or they are clumsy so they are not good in the sack we have a continued discussion of awkward equates to healthy.  Such common awkwards as erectile presentations (or lack of presentation) are a part of the sexual equation. As a male with 30 million experiencing the disease what makes me think I am immune to the disfunction? At some point, or points, I assert that we will all experience or know someone who has experienced erectile dysfunction - ED.  According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, almost all adult men have had problems getting or keeping an erection at one time or another.  Furthermore, not to be alarming, but stress, forms of depression, some forms of mental health, medical conditions such as diabetes, overweight issues, tobacco use, AOD (alcohol and other drugs), medical treatments (including surgeries, radiation treatments), medications and other conditions all contribute to ED. With this being said, your best friend, or your star player, or your baby maker or whatever the term of endearment you might name your cherished sexual organ,  just might need a break. His life is hard (sorry for the pun). Give him a break! More importantly, give yourself a break. The best form of ED management? Talk about it with your partner and make that a part of the intimacy, the sexual experience. I often say to clients: “penetration and intimacy are two different things!” Sexual intercourse is a subset of intimacy. Frankly, penetration is a functionality and a small part of sex. No relationship will last on solely excellent penetration performance.  However, as a marriage and family therapist and couples counselor, I will tell you any couple with an excellent intimate relationship is a far happier, substantial and meaningful life. So, talk, discuss, make jokes without malice and accept humour as treatment. And importantly? Get over it. Using the get-over-it principle in the awkwardness of flagellation might be an issue for many. Why is it? There will be many that will just have a problem with this bodily function. Why do children make such fun about it?  Because they find it more interesting the disgusting, and children are uninhibited. There are medical reasons for; and, solutions to manage the farting. But, honestly, this might be the opportunity to bluntly acknowledge if this is an issue and if it is a sound (again sorry for the pun) for more future critiques about you. Recognize that it is just a part of life.

Lastly, the awkward of being caught (voyeurism and exishibitionism exhibitionism is a future discussion) simply becomes a social etiquette issue if the deer-in-the-headlights occur inside the home.  In public, the awkward becomes concern for legal consequences. In another person’s home (say maybe the in-laws) the consequences can vary. I mean, who wants their mother-in-law seeing you in compromising positions. So, again, understanding etiquette and social norms and respect go a long way. Spontaneity vs. smart consideration are a great skill when combined. With most mishaps or awkward moments discussion leads to communication leads to intimacy. One strong response is “has that happened to you before… How did you handle it… how would you have liked it to be handled differently…”  And, in vulnerable moments of intimacy there is nothing like honesty if positive. “Thank you for being here with me right now” can only generate trust and points.

So now the continuing questions are what other moments can you think of that have not been mentioned?  Are you bold enough to bring this up in a healthy social discussion to support and assist others with the demystifying of perfect god and goddess-like Olympian sex?  Could you look forward to your next sexual encounter with an increased expectation of intimacy and decreased expectation of the mythos of Hollywood’s penetrational perfection?

Photo by Andrei Lazarev on Unsplash

Photo by Florian Pérennès on Unsplash

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

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