Divorce; Are You Navigating Through it Wisely?

Okay, so your marriage is in trouble and divorce is eminent.  Or is it? Could it be repaired? Or should you cash in your chips and move forward.  As a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles I have worked with a vast variety of clients; including every diverse blended new normaled traditional family imaginable.  

With the couples I support the theme is generally the same. Divorce is complex, difficult, usually unwanted, and bleak at best.  The end of a union is a death. A shattering of the myth. It is rare that partners exit the relationship easily and friendly without conflict.  The fairytale or Disney epic where the kiss of the awakening or the climb to the top of the castle only leads to the breath of stench or the fall into thornes never reaching the top.  That is the experience of divorce. These discussions of divorce and its emotional toll are validated and sadly, magnified in the article Confessions of a Divorce Lawyer.  

With the demise of a union one must remember that how one acts during the transition into singlehood dictates your future.  Your future with your partner if children, business, or social settings are involved is dependent on positive or civil engagement.  Your role with your ex-partner might even have an impact on your relationship with your next partner.

What is fascinating is how couples often misuse and waste financial ressources; harm children; and waste valuable Self resources during a divorce or break-up.  Often I have seen smart people navigate through divorces poorly. The question always should be: In seven years looking back what mistakes can I avoid now to prosper emotionally, socially, financially?  If you can answer this question the next question is this: Is my partner someone that I truly cared about at one time and objectively reflecting on their personality and life can I rely on them as an ally in the future since they have been so close to me at some point?  Regardless of these answers just working on this exercise will provide you with a pathway in working toward your future. Avoiding venomous attacks and behaviors; providing needed space when appropriate and utilizing adult behavior and support (sometimes this might be thinking about the other person’s needs) might just be the way to go: Not just to keep the peace but for your wellness of Being. So, as the above mentioned article discussed the high cost of courts and divorce lawyers I advocate smart money being set aside for a couples counselor. That is money well spent if you cannot project seven years in the future while thinking of your overall (and your partner’s) best interests.

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